The Great Record Debate

"Who got potato chip grease all over my Barbara Streisand record?" That is not a question that comes up in every day conversation, but for some reason it was par for the course at my cousin's house. Now, I will admit, Tanya and I had been listening to "The Main Event" ad nauseum for the past half hour, but we had turned off the hi-fi and retired to the playroom for a delightful afternoon of Barbies. We were in the middle of the GI Joe and Bionic Woman wedding when we heard the screech from the living room. My Aunt came bursting into the toy room, "Were you two eating chips while listening to this record?" Both of us shook our heads in the negative. Nope. No chips. "There is chip grease all over this record. If you didn't do it, then who did?" Tanya and I looked at each other in bewilderment, looked at my Aunt and said "I don't know." She gave us a stern look and walked back into the living room. "And where is the record jacket?!?" She yelled. Tanya looked at me and said "It should be in the console where it always is." Nothing. No reply. Ok... must have found and we are good. Back to more important things, the wedding of the decade. The wedding went off without a hitch until we heard big brother come downstairs with his buddies. The came into the toy room eating a bag of chips, disrupting our reception, "Whatcha doin'? Playin' with your dollies?" I just ignored him, Tanya told him to shut up. "HEY!" he yelled, "Is that my GI Joe?" He snatched GI Joe from his chair at the elaborate head table we had made for the new couple, knocking over the Bionic Woman and the play-dough cake we had made. His friends snickered. Tanya yelled at him to knock it off. I took a different approach, "Not unless you play with dollies." Big brother got a little red in the face because I was being a smartass, but it did get the desired effect I was looking for. "It's not a doll, it's an action figure!" Oh. Ok. An action figure the same size of a Barbie Doll. "Fine! You can play with GI Joe." he tossed his back on the floor. It was at that point that we realized GI Joe had potato chip grease all over his black tuxedo he borrowed from Ken. Now we knew who got chip grease all over the Barbara Streisand record! Tanya jumped up and ran out to the kitchen, "Mom! Chad's eating potato chips in his room! He got the chip grease all over your record and he got it all over GI Joe's wedding tuxedo!" Chad stormed off after her, leaving me in the toy room with a greasy GI Joe, a prone Bionic Woman and a smashed play-doh wedding cake, as well as some of Chad's buddies. "So, I said," who wants to celebrate a wedding?"