Learn Hawaiian!

I figure it is time to learn a new language. So far, I have mastered  English (thankyouverymuch), American slang, Blasphemous, Pig Latin, Sarcasm and Mom. I think it is time to focus on a real language. So, why not start with Hawaiian?
Hawaiian is the coolest language merely because they pronounce every vowel even if it is three "a's" in a row. I usually do that when trying remember what I was talking about or when my train of thought has derailed (that's ok, most of the cars were empty anyway).  But I am so willing to learn a new and exciting (and somewhat irrelevant) language that I am not likely to use on the mainland.
I remember attempting to take Spanish in high school as well as a semester of French. I, as I have discovered, I do NOT have an ear for languages. I can pick up on some things thanks to food commercials and some steamy historical romance novels, but I have yet to use the word 'Manja' (sp) in everyday language. Although, when I make spaghetti, I generally shout it just so I can sound somewhat Italian.
I HAVE, however, learned to swear pretty well in several languages, some I have made up myself so as to keep the kids from hearing the actual words, although I know they can pretty much get the jist of what I am hollering by my tone.
I even picked up some phrases in Spanish thanks to working for a Spanish speaking couple in my early years of college. I will say this, not once did I ever ask them for a banana, an egg or where the bathroom was. According to my high school Spanish teacher these were important, if not dire, words to learn if ever I set foot in a Spanish speaking country. To me, it would have been far more important to learn phrases such as "What hotel am I staying at?", "Are these ice cubes from your tap?" and the most important, "Will this 'silver' turn my finger green?"
I did learn some key phrases that may possibly help in a some way, "Donde esta casa de Pepe?" that is if I ever meet a man named Pepe. "Donde esta bibliotech?" If I need to go to the library. "El pussygato es loco en la cabesa." Thank you Speedy Gonzales. "La leche es en la cocina." The milk is in the kitchen. And my personal favourite, "Bebe la leche." Something about baby and milk. There is always something lost in translation.
Now, if and when, these phrases ever come in handy, I will be the first to let you know. And I will make darn certain that I give my former high school Spanish teacher a call and let him know that I did use at least one of his phrases in my lifetime. I am quite sure he would give me a "D" for effort.
But I digress...
Learning Hawaiian would be an awesome way to "blend in" to Polynesian culture. That and wearing a coconut bra and a hula skirt. Trust me, nobody wants to see that. Some overweight 40-something pasty white mom in such a get up will get you arrested faster than you can say "Bob's your uncle!"
Which brings me to another fantastic language. English! I don't mean American English, I mean English English. Straight from The British Isles themselves! It is utterly fantastic the words we use in America that have a completely different meaning across the pond. For example, "faggot" means cigarette in Britain and has an entirely different meaning in the States (and meant in a derogatory way). "Knock you up" means to knock on your door in Britain and well, here it means well...get a lady pregnant (or someone of the female gender not necessarily a "lady").
It never ceases to amaze me that when people say "I tell you what..." and then never really follow it up with anything. What are you trying to tell me? What exactly is 'what'? Is there something stuck in my teeth? Is my zipper down? Do you know the secret of the lost treasure of the Sierra Madre (another fantastic Spanish phrase, Thank You Senor JotaJota)? What are you trying to tell me, man?!?
It is a useless question that people have a tendency to use with no real purpose other than to annoy the person they are talking to. Much like "you know?" No, I don't know. Or "ya think?" think of what?
Occasionally I like to use words that puzzle people. for example, "puzzle". Or, to use in a sentence, "I am quite puzzled at today's society and their hedonistic ways." Wow, there was a couple of ten dollar words in a five cent sentence! Why not say "people are stupid." That is more straight to the point and most people would understand that much better anyway.
Or perhaps even more annoying is when people end a sentence with a preposition, such as, "Where is your party at?"...uh...what? I prefer to add a nice tag at the end of such a question, "Where is your party at, bitch?"
But where was I? Oh yes! Hawaii!
Why not start learning Hawaiian just for the mere experience? It can be fun and a valuable tool if you should ever visit the Islands! Not that your pasty white Mainland skin and tourist "Honolulu" t-shirt won't make you stick out like a sore thumb, but you can still act like you belong in the isalnds!
Aloha!