Barbie vs. the EZ Bake Oven

My cousin, Tanya, had an EZ Bake oven. Big Sister had an EZ bake oven. I did NOT have an EZ Bake oven. I think my mother was afraid of what I would do with it. EZ Bake ovens were a cool way for young girls (and I am sure the occasional boy) to make delicious bite sized cakes under a 100 watt bulb- because, as we all know, that is how a "real" oven works. Big Sister would never let me use hers. It was a Hollie Hobbie EZ Bake oven. It was cute and came with these wonderful little pans and plastic spatulas and plastic knives. It also came with a cake pan "shover" that you used to push the tin pan under the bulb in the oven so you didn't end up with third degree burns on your fingers. Unfortunatley, it didn't come with pot holders. That would have been smart KENNER to include something to pick the TIN PAN up with after the cake was done cooking! Tanya and I were bored one summer and decided that "Barbie" (tm) was going to open a bakery and so we fired up the EZ Bake oven. Apparently, it was an industrial bakery because when you compared Barbie to the size of the EZ Bake oven it looked like she worked at Dolly Madison Bakery Factories, but I digress... Opening up the tiny package of cake mix and adding the water (sounds delicious already doesn't it?) we put the cake tin in the oven. Then sat back and waited. It apparently took 15 minutes for the cake to bake under a 100 watt bulb. So, we decided to play with the Jamie Summers (Bionic Woman) doll and Steve Austin (The 6,000,000 Dollar Man) doll when we got this brilliant idea. Let's say that Barbie was in a horrific EZ Bake Oven accident and was unable to escape from the factory. Let's send in the Bionic Team and have them save the poor helpless girl! **Now, here is a little side note...for a woman who owned a convertible, an RV, a camper, a jet, a townhouse AND a Dream House, and more clothes and shoes that I would ever own in a lifetime, why exactly WAS Barbie working in a Bakery/Factory?!? Apparently, she had to support her lavish lifestyle. I mean, two mortgages and multiple car payments and an obvious shopaholic problem is going to have to get money somehow because it is obvious that Ken wasn't supporting her. He was Captain of a boat and an Airplane for Pan Am, for cry-yi-yi! He didn't have time with his playboy lifestyle to see that Barbie was clothed and fed and living in the lap of luxury without having to work!** So, back to Barbie and her perilous situation... Barbie was sitting on top of the oven, trying to escape the imaginary flames that were beginning to lick at her long (and completely unrealistic length) legs. Tanya kept up a steady stream of "Help! Someone Help Me!" as I went about getting the Bionic Team to break thru doors and walls and jump over flames and falling flaming debris. It was quite the palm sweater. All of a sudden, this smell began to fill the air. It didn't smell like the delicious chocolate cake the package claimed. It smelled of burning plastic. Like something caught under a 100 watt bulb... HOLY SMOKE! Barbie's bottom was melting to the top of the EZ Bake oven!! Tanya yanked the plug out of the wall and the bulb went out. Without thinking, I pushed the cake pan out with my fingers, burning and blistering them in the process. I dropped the pan and watched our cake explode all over the floor. Tanya went to pull Barbie off the EZ Bake oven, she came off the oven with a melted bottom and strings of plastic going from the oven to her bum. The smell of burnt plastic and rubber filled the room making us gag. I opened a window to let in some fresh air and stare at the mess we created. The floor was covered with partially cooked chocolate cake, the EX Bake oven lay smoking on its side,the Bionic Team lay sprawled in a forgotten heap and Barbie...poor Barbie was the victim of a tragic industrial accident. He bum and thighs melted beyond recognition. How would she ever fit into her tight denims again? How could she show herself in a bathing suit? Would Ken throw her over for that with Krissie? Barbie-0; EZ Bake Oven-1